Should I Accept My Child's Orientation? Should I Accept My Child's Orientation?
NAV Are these Questions Familiar? NAV
NAV Did Your Child Come Out to You? - Parents are never prepared to accept the news that their children are gay. I will never forget that Friday night in December of 1997. NAV
NAV Is My Child Gay or Confused? - When Adam told us he was gay, we thought, "This can't be true, he's just confused". NAV
  Am I Ashamed of My Child or of Myself? - When Adam came out to us, shame was a big word in our lives. I was afraid that people would overlook Adam's wonderful qualities and focus on just one aspect of him ---- his sexual orientation. NAV
  Did My Parents Make Me Gay? - Yes, absolutely, my parents made me gay. They had sex, my mom got pregnant, and bam!...I popped out of the womb - brown hair, brown eyes, and gay! NAV
  Is Homosexuality a Sin? - When it comes to the subject of homosexuality, our religious institutions remind me of the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's. NAV
  Who Can I Talk to About This? - Take comfort, you are only lost for a little while. There is a light at the end of this long, lonely path. NAV
  What is God's Plan? - How does being gay fit in God's plan? This is the hardest question to discuss. The answer will depend on whom you are talking to. NAV
  Why Would My Child Choose to be Gay? - You have just asked an important question. Ironically, once you have exhausted all of the obvious possibilities, you will probably come to understand the absurdity of the question itself. NAV
Other Points of Interest
  Our Son's Story - Adam was always a bright and happy child. He was also quite stubborn. As his father, I always found that frustrating in one respect, but I also admired it.  
  Hope... How Our Family has Progressed - After learning that Adam was gay, Patti and I were devastated. Our response was typical. We prayed for a miracle.  


(-- "Should I Accept My Child's Orientation?"... CONTINUED --)

If the story were to be exchanged with a gay man, would Jesus have responded differently? Would He have said, "You have my blessing in stoning this man to death?" I don't think so. I believe Jesus would have said to the gay person, "Has no one condemned you? Neither do I condemn you."

The scripture quoted about homosexuality in Leviticus is 18:22 which states, "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination." When Patti and I read that, nothing could have been more definitive. The Bible stated that homosexuality is wrong. We faced a major dilemma. How could we reconcile our spiritual beliefs with the love of our son if the source of our beliefs condemned homosexuality?

Fortunately, our anguish was lessened the more we studied the Bible. As it turned out, Jesus never said anything about homosexuality. In fact, Jesus often violated the prohibitions in Leviticus because they ran counter to the Christ consciousness He wished us to adopt.

Jesus violated the commandment in Leviticus to stone the woman to death. Would He have violated the commandment in Leviticus against homosexual acts? I cannot pretend to know the answer but I'd like to share what Patti and I concluded.

Leviticus refers to homosexual acts as an "abomination". But it also refers to eating pork as an "abomination". (Leviticus 11:7) It also refers to eating lobster and shrimp (Leviticus 11:10) as an "abomination".

And that's not all. Leviticus also called sewing a field with two different seeds an abomination as well as wearing cloth from two kinds of fibers. (Leviticus 19:19)

So are the millions of people who eat at Red Lobster committing an abomination? The majority of the shirts America wears are made with more than one fiber. Does that mean we're all committing an abomination? Am I committing an abomination when I order a shrimp cocktail as an appetizer?

Is Adam committing an abomination by loving another man?

Ultimately, Patti and I decided the answer was "no" on all counts. The Christ conscience is about love, understanding, and acceptance, not abominations, condemnation, and punishment.

Jesus said it best in John 8:15, immediately after the encounter with the church elders and the adulterous woman, "You judge by human standards; I judge no one." Just when we thought we had scriptural justification to condemn another, Jesus reminds us that we all have fallen short of God's call to love one another. For He instructed us not to worry about the speck in our brother's eye until we had removed the log in our own eye.

Whether I believe homosexuality, or anything else for that matter, is right or wrong does not change the fact that to love another as myself requires my love and acceptance, not my condemnation. Shaking my finger at someone has never helped in changing him or her. If anything, my perception of their guilt only kept them stuck in it. If I treated a person with compassion and forgiveness, it was much more likely to elicit a healed response.

Why does homosexuality exist? I do not pretend to know the answer. My personal belief is that people are born gay or lesbian. It is not important that you agree with me. But I think you can agree on the following statement: God knows and loves you completely. God is not waiting for you to get your act together before He can forgive and love you.

Are you going to require more of your child than God requires of you?