Did My Parents Make Me Gay? Did My Parents Make Me Gay?
NAV Are these Questions Familiar? NAV
NAV Did Your Child Come Out to You? - Parents are never prepared to accept the news that their children are gay. I will never forget that Friday night in December of 1997. NAV
NAV Is My Child Gay or Confused? - When Adam told us he was gay, we thought, "This can't be true, he's just confused". NAV
  Should I Accept My Child's Orientation? - For Patti and I, our first reaction was absolutely not. He is only 16 years old. What does he know about sexual relations? NAV
  Am I Ashamed of My Child or of Myself? - When Adam came out to us, shame was a big word in our lives. I was afraid that people would overlook Adam's wonderful qualities and focus on just one aspect of him ---- his sexual orientation. NAV
  Is Homosexuality a Sin? - When it comes to the subject of homosexuality, our religious institutions remind me of the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's. NAV
  Who Can I Talk to About This? - Take comfort, you are only lost for a little while. There is a light at the end of this long, lonely path. NAV
  What is God's Plan? - How does being gay fit in God's plan? This is the hardest question to discuss. The answer will depend on whom you are talking to. NAV
  Why Would My Child Choose to be Gay? - You have just asked an important question. Ironically, once you have exhausted all of the obvious possibilities, you will probably come to understand the absurdity of the question itself. NAV
Other Points of Interest
  Our Son's Story - Adam was always a bright and happy child. He was also quite stubborn. As his father, I always found that frustrating in one respect, but I also admired it.  
  Hope... How Our Family has Progressed - After learning that Adam was gay, Patti and I were devastated. Our response was typical. We prayed for a miracle.  


Adam EllisYes, absolutely, my parents made me gay. They had sex, my mom got pregnant, and bam!...I popped out of the womb - brown hair, brown eyes, and gay! So, yes, technically my mom and dad made me gay, but that happened long before they gave me the issues that I have today (i.e. - being stubborn, selfish, spending too much money, and so on...) It seems blaming yourself is one of the first reactions that many parents take when their children come out to them. I guess they have to have someone to blame, and since humans are naturally harder on themselves than anyone else they figure it was their own fault.

I cannot imagine what exactly a parent could do to change their children's sexual orientation. Do parents make their children straight? I come from about the most balanced and sane family possible. Both my mom and dad were always present and active throughout my childhood and we never had any major issues. I really cannot imagine anything that my parents or anyone else could have done to cause my homosexuality. It's not exactly something that you can change, and believe me, there have been times when I have tried.

I can remember being as young as five and having homosexual feelings. I didn't recognize them until much later in life, but I do remember them. It wasn't until my sophomore year in high school that I came out to myself. Up until that point I had just ignored all my homosexual feelings and dreams, thinking, or hoping, that they would just go away. But of course they never did. The thought of me being gay never entered my mind prior to 10th grade. Homosexuality seemed like such a foreign concept, and I never thought that I could be gay. Although I felt that my parents had an open mind, my community held such a negative view of homosexuality. I do not know how I could have survived without the support of my family.

If you ever wonder whether your children remember the things you say, remember this. One of the most comforting things during the strife of my outing process was my parent's repeating phrase, "No matter what you say or do, we will always love you." Just having them say this gave me enough strength to come out to them. Did my parents make me gay? No. But they did make my coming out experience a lot less painful than it could have been.