What do you do if you child is gay? Did Your Child Come to You?
NAV Are these Questions Familiar? NAV
NAV Is My Child Gay or Confused? - When Adam told us he was gay, we thought, "This can't be true, he's just confused". NAV
  Should I Accept My Child's Orientation? - For Patti and I, our first reaction was absolutely not. He is only 16 years old. What does he know about sexual relations? NAV
  Am I Ashamed of My Child or of Myself? - When Adam came out to us, shame was a big word in our lives. I was afraid that people would overlook Adam's wonderful qualities and focus on just one aspect of him ---- his sexual orientation. NAV
  Did My Parents Make Me Gay? - Yes, absolutely, my parents made me gay. They had sex, my mom got pregnant, and bam!...I popped out of the womb - brown hair, brown eyes, and gay! NAV
  Is Homosexuality a Sin? - When it comes to the subject of homosexuality, our religious institutions remind me of the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's. NAV
  Who Can I Talk to About This? - Take comfort, you are only lost for a little while. There is a light at the end of this long, lonely path. NAV
  What is God's Plan? - How does being gay fit in God's plan? This is the hardest question to discuss. The answer will depend on whom you are talking to. NAV
  Why Would My Child Choose to be Gay? - You have just asked an important question. Ironically, once you have exhausted all of the obvious possibilities, you will probably come to understand the absurdity of the question itself. NAV
Other Points of Interest
  Our Son's Story - Adam was always a bright and happy child. He was also quite stubborn. As his father, I always found that frustrating in one respect, but I also admired it.  
  Hope... How Our Family has Progressed - After learning that Adam was gay, Patti and I were devastated. Our response was typical. We prayed for a miracle.  


Jeff EllisParents are never prepared to accept the news that their children are gay. I will never forget that Friday night in December of 1997. Adam was 16, a sophomore in high school. Patti kept telling me that something was really bothering Adam and she could tell it by his eyes. She has a sixth sense. She can look into your eyes and read your soul. She pressed Adam that night; sensing his need to lay down a burden he had been carrying for some time. Unable to bear the weight of his secret any longer, he told her he was gay.

Patti told him to wait right there, that she needed to get me and tell me the news. Adam told her that he could not say those words again and that she would have to do it for him. I guess the shame he felt was more than he could handle.

Patti summoned me into the room where they were talking and said it for him. Sensing his shame and vulnerability, I remained calm and unshaken on the outside but inside my head an explosion had taken place. Thought fragments of everything I had ever heard about homosexuality were flying around in there - insults like "faggot", "queer", "pervert", "sodomite" and fears of AIDS, physical harm, and rejection - and I couldn't make one concise, discernible thought materialize. I was numb. I don't know exactly what we said after that but we talked for quite a while.

Thus began the stage of our deep depression. We faced the ugly reality you now face: that most people will despise this wonderful child you created. You must face the daunting task of making funeral plans to bury the imagined life you had created for him. No longer will there be a beautiful, young woman to romance, nor will you be the best man on his wedding day, nor share the same joy you felt at his birth when his first child comes into the world. To make the pain more unbearable, your grieving must be carried out in private. Your shameful secret must be kept at all costs.