Am I Ashamed of My Child or Myself? Am I Ashamed of My Child or Myself?
NAV Are these Questions Familiar? NAV
NAV Did Your Child Come Out to You? - Parents are never prepared to accept the news that their children are gay. I will never forget that Friday night in December of 1997. NAV
NAV Is My Child Gay or Confused? - When Adam told us he was gay, we thought, "This can't be true, he's just confused". NAV
  Should I Accept My Child's Orientation? - For Patti and I, our first reaction was absolutely not. He is only 16 years old. What does he know about sexual relations? NAV
  Did My Parents Make Me Gay? - Yes, absolutely, my parents made me gay. They had sex, my mom got pregnant, and bam!...I popped out of the womb - brown hair, brown eyes, and gay! NAV
  Is Homosexuality a Sin? - When it comes to the subject of homosexuality, our religious institutions remind me of the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's. NAV
  Who Can I Talk to About This? - Take comfort, you are only lost for a little while. There is a light at the end of this long, lonely path. NAV
  What is God's Plan? - How does being gay fit in God's plan? This is the hardest question to discuss. The answer will depend on whom you are talking to. NAV
  Why Would My Child Choose to be Gay? - You have just asked an important question. Ironically, once you have exhausted all of the obvious possibilities, you will probably come to understand the absurdity of the question itself. NAV
Other Points of Interest
  Our Son's Story - Adam was always a bright and happy child. He was also quite stubborn. As his father, I always found that frustrating in one respect, but I also admired it.  
  Hope... How Our Family has Progressed - After learning that Adam was gay, Patti and I were devastated. Our response was typical. We prayed for a miracle.  


Patti EllisWhen Adam came out to us, shame was a big word in our lives. I was afraid that people would overlook Adam's wonderful qualities and focus on just one aspect of him ---- his sexual orientation. Will they forget he is an honor student? Will they forget his gentle nature? His compassionate heart? His talent in the yearbook at school? Will they forget the glowing compliments about his performance at the school Variety Show? His laughter, and his infectious smile? Will all that be replaced with scorn for being gay?

I also feared how I would be thought of as his mother. Will they gossip on how I "coddled" him too much? Will they say his dad did not give him any attention? Of course my mind raced with the thoughts that maybe they were right. Did I coddle him too much? Did his dad not give him enough attention? Was that where we went wrong? We worked this over in our minds - over and over. What did we do wrong?

We have always been attentive parents for both of our boys. Even as a working mom I made time to be a room mother at their schools. Jeff and I both went on their field trips. We never missed any activity our children were in at school or elsewhere. We cherish our children. Our lives surround their activities.

I spent many hours thinking about us as a family. Wrestling with ways we could have been better parents. Those were very painful hours.

After much agonizing self-reflection, I got mad at myself. Why was I questioning my parenting or our times together as a family? I would not change anything about our family life. We had so many wonderful times together. I have always been the "Kodak Mom". Our photo albums are full of those times that only bring smiles to our faces. There is no shame in those pictures. I am sure you too can look back with smiles in remembering those special times in the life of your child. I came to the conclusion that I would not change anything about how we raised our children.