Who Can I Talk to About This? Who Can I Talk to About This?
NAV Are these Questions Familiar? NAV
NAV Did Your Child Come Out to You? - Parents are never prepared to accept the news that their children are gay. I will never forget that Friday night in December of 1997. NAV
NAV Is My Child Gay or Confused? - When Adam told us he was gay, we thought, "This can't be true, he's just confused". NAV
  Should I Accept My Child's Orientation? - For Patti and I, our first reaction was absolutely not. He is only 16 years old. What does he know about sexual relations? NAV
  Am I Ashamed of My Child or of Myself? - When Adam came out to us, shame was a big word in our lives. I was afraid that people would overlook Adam's wonderful qualities and focus on just one aspect of him ---- his sexual orientation. NAV
  Did My Parents Make Me Gay? - Yes, absolutely, my parents made me gay. They had sex, my mom got pregnant, and bam!...I popped out of the womb - brown hair, brown eyes, and gay! NAV
  Is Homosexuality a Sin? - When it comes to the subject of homosexuality, our religious institutions remind me of the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's. NAV
  What is God's Plan? - How does being gay fit in God's plan? This is the hardest question to discuss. The answer will depend on whom you are talking to. NAV
  Why Would My Child Choose to be Gay? - You have just asked an important question. Ironically, once you have exhausted all of the obvious possibilities, you will probably come to understand the absurdity of the question itself. NAV
Other Points of Interest
  Our Son's Story - Adam was always a bright and happy child. He was also quite stubborn. As his father, I always found that frustrating in one respect, but I also admired it.  
  Hope... How Our Family has Progressed - After learning that Adam was gay, Patti and I were devastated. Our response was typical. We prayed for a miracle.  


Patti EllisTake comfort - you are only lost for a little while. There is a light at the end of this long, lonely path.

I do understand needing to talk with someone. It is human nature to seek comfort from your hurt and fears. I strongly recommend being careful in whom you confide. I found that most people just don't know what to say or how to comfort you. I was looking for someone to say "Patti; everything will be just fine" but they couldn't because they were still in shock over that "gay" word. They did not know how to respond. I then found myself deeper into the closet.

I remember one person I called that was a friend from many years ago that moved away but we stayed in touch occasionally. I always considered her a very open person. I needed to talk with someone who could keep my secret. I was not ready to share the turmoil my family was in at that time with just anyone. I needed someone to comfort me. I was in a fragile state. So, I called her and cried my heart out. Her response was " Oh, I guess we will have to quit making jokes about gays now that we know one". I wanted to evaporate. I know she did not mean to be hurtful to me. She just did not know what to say.

If you know anyone that has gone through this, call them. Share your feelings. They will be a great source of comfort to you. Many times that is hard to do. We are so private about this subject. It is our sincere desire to help you so we have included our email address. We will keep your secret. We understand the importance. Until you are ready to speak openly, we will be your refuge. This just takes time and love.

One of the ways we began healing was contacting a PFLAG group (Parents, Friends & Family of Lesbian and Gays) in our city. It took us a while to get comfortable to visit one of the meetings. I wish we had gone sooner because it was a time of healing for us. We were able to cry, talk and visit with other parents who have been there and survived. We also met gay and lesbian people. That was so comforting to be with them, to see that they are just normal people. The web site for PFLAG is www.pflag.org.

I remember the first time I got the courage to call. The PFLAG person answering the phone assured me that we were having a private conversation. She had been where we are now. I cried on the telephone just knowing that I was no longer alone, that someone out there knew what I was feeling.

I hung up the telephone, feeling a little more at peace, a little less alone and filled with hope. It then occurred to me that Adam had been searching for that same connection. For the first time, I understood what Adam had gone through in high school. He was totally alone, confused, fearful and ashamed. I did not want that for Adam. I did not want that for myself. I do not want that for you.