What do you do if you child is gay? Did Your Child Come to You?
NAV Are these Questions Familiar? NAV
NAV Is My Child Gay or Confused? - When Adam told us he was gay, we thought, "This can't be true, he's just confused". NAV
  Should I Accept My Child's Orientation? - For Patti and I, our first reaction was absolutely not. He is only 16 years old. What does he know about sexual relations? NAV
  Am I Ashamed of My Child or of Myself? - When Adam came out to us, shame was a big word in our lives. I was afraid that people would overlook Adam's wonderful qualities and focus on just one aspect of him ---- his sexual orientation. NAV
  Did My Parents Make Me Gay? - Yes, absolutely, my parents made me gay. They had sex, my mom got pregnant, and bam!...I popped out of the womb - brown hair, brown eyes, and gay! NAV
  Is Homosexuality a Sin? - When it comes to the subject of homosexuality, our religious institutions remind me of the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's. NAV
  Who Can I Talk to About This? - Take comfort, you are only lost for a little while. There is a light at the end of this long, lonely path. NAV
  What is God's Plan? - How does being gay fit in God's plan? This is the hardest question to discuss. The answer will depend on whom you are talking to. NAV
  Why Would My Child Choose to be Gay? - You have just asked an important question. Ironically, once you have exhausted all of the obvious possibilities, you will probably come to understand the absurdity of the question itself. NAV
Other Points of Interest
  Our Son's Story - Adam was always a bright and happy child. He was also quite stubborn. As his father, I always found that frustrating in one respect, but I also admired it.  
  Hope... How Our Family has Progressed - After learning that Adam was gay, Patti and I were devastated. Our response was typical. We prayed for a miracle.  


(-- "Did Your Child Come Out to You?"... CONTINUED --)

This stage lasted for several months. We walked around, each self-absorbed in sorrow about something we couldn't understand, trying to decide if he was just confused or, if this was real. Patti and I would pass each other, make eye contact and just shake our heads and sigh. Sometimes, I would go into her office just to feel connected to her, close the door so no one could overhear our dreaded discussion, and then become more despondent because I couldn't think of anything meaningful to say.

Really, there were no words to say. This cloud of disbelief, that this could be happening to our family, would not go away. After several counselors and therapists, we could no longer hold up our wall of denial. We finally had to face reality: our treasured child, our first born who carried all of our hopes and dreams, was gay.

Once we came to terms with this inescapable certainty, our road from depression became easier. We had a choice: Get on with living, or get on with dying. Looking back, I can't believe how far we've come. I now look forward to a new life for Adam.

This road is difficult and I don't envy you for having to travel it. However, it is as necessary to the healing process as anything that you will do. Take heart, for this will give you strength and confidence for the later stages. Stay on the path and seek God's help. God is present in the darkness, in the uncertainty.

If you feel as though a death has occurred in your family, it has. You must come to terms with the fact that the life that you had envisioned for your son or daughter will never take place. This depression that you feel is real and you must not deny it. Let your child know that you are going through the grieving process of a death. This is part of the natural process. You must not try to hide it from them.

They must give you room to experience and express your true feelings if the both of you are going to survive this ordeal. You will survive, but honest communication is what will get you through it. The ability to talk openly about painful subjects will become one of your many blessings.

--- Jeff Ellis