Am I Ashamed of My Child or Myself? Am I Ashamed of My Child or Myself?
NAV Are these Questions Familiar? NAV
NAV Did Your Child Come Out to You? - Parents are never prepared to accept the news that their children are gay. I will never forget that Friday night in December of 1997. NAV
NAV Is My Child Gay or Confused? - When Adam told us he was gay, we thought, "This can't be true, he's just confused". NAV
  Should I Accept My Child's Orientation? - For Patti and I, our first reaction was absolutely not. He is only 16 years old. What does he know about sexual relations? NAV
  Did My Parents Make Me Gay? - Yes, absolutely, my parents made me gay. They had sex, my mom got pregnant, and bam!...I popped out of the womb - brown hair, brown eyes, and gay! NAV
  Is Homosexuality a Sin? - When it comes to the subject of homosexuality, our religious institutions remind me of the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's. NAV
  Who Can I Talk to About This? - Take comfort, you are only lost for a little while. There is a light at the end of this long, lonely path. NAV
  What is God's Plan? - How does being gay fit in God's plan? This is the hardest question to discuss. The answer will depend on whom you are talking to. NAV
  Why Would My Child Choose to be Gay? - You have just asked an important question. Ironically, once you have exhausted all of the obvious possibilities, you will probably come to understand the absurdity of the question itself. NAV
Other Points of Interest
  Our Son's Story - Adam was always a bright and happy child. He was also quite stubborn. As his father, I always found that frustrating in one respect, but I also admired it.  
  Hope... How Our Family has Progressed - After learning that Adam was gay, Patti and I were devastated. Our response was typical. We prayed for a miracle.  


(-- "Am I Ashamed of My Child or of Myself?"... CONTINUED --)

I also came to the conclusion that we raised Adam with love, warmth and discipline and if that was wrong, then so be it. I would do it just that way again, given the chance. He has always been and still is a blessing in our life.

Still, I admit I felt a lot of shame. Why did I feel shame? As a mother, especially a dyed in the wool southern mother, I have always taken pride in how I take care of my family. I go to much effort to see that their lives are in order at home. I was always there when the bus arrived from school and even took them to school every morning to keep them from having to get up so early.

I am a prideful mother and that was why shame was so overwhelming. Maybe appearances were more important to me than I thought. I wanted people to know that I was a good mother. I always felt that the care and respect I gave to my children was a reflection on my children and myself. I wanted my children growing up remembering how hard I tried to do the best for them. I was sure that once everyone found out Adam was gay, everything I had done would have been for naught. I would just look like a failure.

I did not want to be ashamed of my child. It was painful to think that I was having those feelings. I knew that I was ashamed of how he would be looked at and talked about. That he would be considered, at the very least, socially unacceptable. I was ashamed at how my family would be perceived. That hurt my pride and made me angry. Why should we have to go through this? Why should I feel such shame? Why did I care so much about what others thought?

I was so obsessed at how other people would see me or think of me, I forgot about Adam. I realized that I was not taking his feelings into consideration.

That was a turning point. I knew then I had placed my pride over the love of my child. I knew I had to stop thinking about how this affected me and begin trying to understand what Adam had gone through.