Am I Ashamed of My Child or Myself? Am I Ashamed of My Child or Myself?
NAV Are these Questions Familiar? NAV
NAV Did Your Child Come Out to You? - Parents are never prepared to accept the news that their children are gay. I will never forget that Friday night in December of 1997. NAV
NAV Is My Child Gay or Confused? - When Adam told us he was gay, we thought, "This can't be true, he's just confused". NAV
  Should I Accept My Child's Orientation? - For Patti and I, our first reaction was absolutely not. He is only 16 years old. What does he know about sexual relations? NAV
  Did My Parents Make Me Gay? - Yes, absolutely, my parents made me gay. They had sex, my mom got pregnant, and bam!...I popped out of the womb - brown hair, brown eyes, and gay! NAV
  Is Homosexuality a Sin? - When it comes to the subject of homosexuality, our religious institutions remind me of the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's. NAV
  Who Can I Talk to About This? - Take comfort, you are only lost for a little while. There is a light at the end of this long, lonely path. NAV
  What is God's Plan? - How does being gay fit in God's plan? This is the hardest question to discuss. The answer will depend on whom you are talking to. NAV
  Why Would My Child Choose to be Gay? - You have just asked an important question. Ironically, once you have exhausted all of the obvious possibilities, you will probably come to understand the absurdity of the question itself. NAV
Other Points of Interest
  Our Son's Story - Adam was always a bright and happy child. He was also quite stubborn. As his father, I always found that frustrating in one respect, but I also admired it.  
  Hope... How Our Family has Progressed - After learning that Adam was gay, Patti and I were devastated. Our response was typical. We prayed for a miracle.  


(-- "Am I Ashamed of My Child or of Myself?"... CONTINUED --)

Ironically, it was my second and youngest son that helped me understand my responsibility as a mother.

He is adopted. He was only a few hours old when God blessed our family with his life. I live in a small town. Today you see more families with adopted children. That was not true 14 years ago. Every mother wants her child to be accepted. No mother wants to think that her child would be made to feel different or not included.

I expressed my concern to our doctor for how other people would treat our newly adopted son. He gave me some advice that I think eventually helped me to deal with Adam. Here is what he said:

"How you treat and accept your child will be how everyone around you will treat and accept your child."

I took that advice to heart. I understood then that our responsibility for our new son was to show the world our love for him. To show the world how we wanted them to treat him. He was, in our hearts, no different than our son who was not adopted.

I think the same thing applies to Adam. For my youngest son being adopted had a stigma attached to it because he was not "your blood" and therefore looked upon as different. For Adam, being gay also has a stigma attached to it. In both cases, people just don't understand. According to the rules of society both of my children were considered social misfits and ultimately unacceptable. I could not then and cannot now abide by those rules.

I believe it is our responsibility as parents to stand by our children no matter what. In order to do that, I had to put aside my pride and shame. I had to come to a point where it was no longer important how other people saw me. What was important was for Adam to know he was loved. No matter what.