FA Adam was always a bright and happy child. He was also quite stubborn. As his father, I always found that frustrating in one respect, but I also admired it. Struggling with your feelings After learning that Adam was gay, Patti and I were devastated. Our response was typical. We prayed for a miracle.
Hope... How Our Family Has Progressed Hope... How Our Family Has Progressed
FA Are these questions familiar? FA
FA Parents are never prepared to accept the news that their children are gay. I will never forget that Friday night in December of 1997.  
FA When Adam told us he was gay, we thought, "This can't be true, he's just confused".  
FA For Patti and I, our first reaction was absolutely not. He is only 16 years old. What does he know about sexual relations?  
FA When Adam came out to us, shame was a big word in our lives. I was afraid that people would overlook Adam's wonderful qualities and focus on just one aspect of him ---- his sexual orientation.  
FA Yes, absolutely, my parents made me gay. They had sex, my mom got pregnant, and bam!...I popped out of the womb - brown hair, brown eyes, and gay!  
  When it comes to the subject of homosexuality, our religious institutions remind me of the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's.  
  Take comfort - you are only lost for a little while. There is a light at the end of this long, lonely path.  
  How does being gay fit in God's plan? This is the hardest question to discuss. The answer will depend on whom you are talking to.  
  You have just asked an important question. Ironically, once you have exhausted all of the obvious possibilities, you will probably come to understand the absurdity of the question itself.  


After learning that Adam was gay, Patti and I were devastated. Our response was typical. We prayed for a miracle. We pleaded, "God, please remove this burden from our son and our whole family. If Adam is truly gay, then please change him. We will do anything to bring about this change."

Faithful to His word, God answered our prayer. Things changed.

It took over a year for the changes to take place. However, the changes that took place were not in Adam but in us. God, in answering our prayer, opened our eyes to the fact that He had created Adam gay for His own reasons and we, in our arrogance, viewed God's creation as flawed.

The change God wanted in Patti and I was for us to see gays and lesbians, as they really were; not as cloven-hoofed monsters that would roast small children on a spit. Unfortunately, we had labeled all homosexuals as having the same unsavory characteristics and not having much worldly value. We had to summon the courage to stand and face our prejudices in the eye. We had to go directly into the "belly of the beast" and see what we had to fear. After all, we had the best motivation of all - avoiding the loss of our son.

When we finally met other gays and lesbians, we were surprised to find such warm and engaging people. We found others that wanted to help us with our struggle. At our PFLAG meetings, we were introduced to an assistant minister that was so compassionate toward us. She also related how her own denomination struggled with her sexual orientation.

I remember seeing two extremely attractive women at one of the meetings and wondered what they were doing there. They were later introduced as being each other's partner.

We also met several gay couples that have been in committed relationships for many years yet their families would never allow the partner to visit.