(-- "Our Son's Story"... CONTINUED --)
Patti: There was a perfect example of that togetherness
in one of my journal entries:
"That began an "open feeling" night. Around midnight, when Adam
came home from a party, he sat down and talked.
Adam shared with us his love for Danielle. He said that being
gay was who he was, but if ever he could change himself, it would
only be to be able to love Danielle. He wanted to feel normal
boy/girl relations with her, but he could not.
That both hurt me and made me feel good too. It hurt because
I wanted him to feel those normal feelings for her. Knowing that
he wanted to feel those things gave me hope. I hang on the every
bit of hope I can find.
Although, I will remain hopeful, deep inside me, I fear I know
what Adam is trying to tell us...that no matter how much he wants
to change, he couldn't. But I just don't want to accept that right
now. I will remain hopeful that maybe he will. Maybe he is just
working through his confusion. I know the counselors don't give
us any hope, but they don't know everything.
I am so grateful that he could speak with us about his feelings.
That was our blessing.
I told Adam that God was working so strong in his life, I could
see it. I wanted him to always allow God to be in his life. I
knew in my heart that God loved Adam as He does all living creatures.
But I also knew that I had to help Adam hold on to that love in
his heart because he will not be reminded of God's love from most
I am grateful for a child that loves his family and has such
a sense of knowing about himself. I am grateful for a husband
that loves his family and is open and willing to listen to the
things that are hard to hear."
December 20, 1998 5:30 a.m.
Patti: So here we have a child who is gay. We want to
believe he is confused, but are beginning to understand he is
not. We are the ones confused.
With the benefit of many books, we began our path to acceptance.
In looking back, we thought this ordeal started on December 17,
1997 when Adam came out to us. But Adam has been gay all his life.
December 17, 1997 was merely the date we were awakened to this
--- Patti & Jeff Ellis
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