Our Sons Story Our Sons Story
NAV Are these Questions Familiar? NAV
NAV Did Your Child Come Out to You? - Parents are never prepared to accept the news that their children are gay. I will never forget that Friday night in December of 1997. NAV
NAV Is My Child Gay or Confused? - When Adam told us he was gay, we thought, "This can't be true, he's just confused". NAV
  Should I Accept My Child's Orientation? - For Patti and I, our first reaction was absolutely not. He is only 16 years old. What does he know about sexual relations? NAV
  Am I Ashamed of My Child or of Myself? - When Adam came out to us, shame was a big word in our lives. I was afraid that people would overlook Adam's wonderful qualities and focus on just one aspect of him ---- his sexual orientation. NAV
  Did My Parents Make Me Gay? - Yes, absolutely, my parents made me gay. They had sex, my mom got pregnant, and bam!...I popped out of the womb - brown hair, brown eyes, and gay! NAV
  Is Homosexuality a Sin? - When it comes to the subject of homosexuality, our religious institutions remind me of the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's. NAV
  Who Can I Talk to About This? - Take comfort, you are only lost for a little while. There is a light at the end of this long, lonely path. NAV
  What is God's Plan? - How does being gay fit in God's plan? This is the hardest question to discuss. The answer will depend on whom you are talking to. NAV
  Why Would My Child Choose to be Gay? - You have just asked an important question. Ironically, once you have exhausted all of the obvious possibilities, you will probably come to understand the absurdity of the question itself. NAV
Other Points of Interest
  Hope... How Our Family has Progressed - After learning that Adam was gay, Patti and I were devastated. Our response was typical. We prayed for a miracle.  


(-- "Our Son's Story"... CONTINUED --)

Patti: There was a perfect example of that togetherness in one of my journal entries:

"That began an "open feeling" night. Around midnight, when Adam came home from a party, he sat down and talked.

Adam shared with us his love for Danielle. He said that being gay was who he was, but if ever he could change himself, it would only be to be able to love Danielle. He wanted to feel normal boy/girl relations with her, but he could not.

That both hurt me and made me feel good too. It hurt because I wanted him to feel those normal feelings for her. Knowing that he wanted to feel those things gave me hope. I hang on the every bit of hope I can find.

Although, I will remain hopeful, deep inside me, I fear I know what Adam is trying to tell us...that no matter how much he wants to change, he couldn't. But I just don't want to accept that right now. I will remain hopeful that maybe he will. Maybe he is just working through his confusion. I know the counselors don't give us any hope, but they don't know everything.

I am so grateful that he could speak with us about his feelings. That was our blessing.

I told Adam that God was working so strong in his life, I could see it. I wanted him to always allow God to be in his life. I knew in my heart that God loved Adam as He does all living creatures. But I also knew that I had to help Adam hold on to that love in his heart because he will not be reminded of God's love from most people.

I am grateful for a child that loves his family and has such a sense of knowing about himself. I am grateful for a husband that loves his family and is open and willing to listen to the things that are hard to hear."

December 20, 1998 5:30 a.m.

Patti: So here we have a child who is gay. We want to believe he is confused, but are beginning to understand he is not. We are the ones confused.

With the benefit of many books, we began our path to acceptance.

In looking back, we thought this ordeal started on December 17, 1997 when Adam came out to us. But Adam has been gay all his life. December 17, 1997 was merely the date we were awakened to this fact.

--- Patti & Jeff Ellis